Five years ago today
my brother flew into Kansas City to drive my moving truck with me and
all my stuff in it to the Southwest. It was my desire to live closer
to family and to leave behind bitterly cold, gray winters. I haven't
missed the winters at all, but I have missed my autumn loving friends
(the other friends too) and autumn. I had been living in my new
hometown for about a month when a box arrived in the mail. My
thoughtful friends and coworkers (sorry I do not remember all who
were involved): Kimberly, Melissa, Danielle, and Virginia sent me a
box full of autumn leaves. Among the leaves they included a handmade
card by Virginia, a Starbucks gift card and a bag of orange and
purple Skittles, handpicked especially for me. It was such a lovely
treat!
Having spent most of
my life in the Midwest, I get an incredible yearning for autumn every
year; it has always been my favorite season. There are those who find
autumn depressing as summer's beauty tarnishes, turning brittle and
letting go of its hold on life. From his book, Let Your Life
Speak, Parker Palmer wrestles past his own dark thoughts of
autumn.
“In my own experience of autumn, I am rarely aware that seeds are
being planted. . . . But as I explore autumn's paradox of dying and
seeding, I feel the power of metaphor. In the autumnal events of my
own life experience, I am easily fixated on surface appearances—on
the decline of meaning, the decay of relationships, the death of a
work. And yet if I look more deeply, I may see the myriad
possibilities being planted to bear fruit in some season yet to come.
. . . This hopeful notion that living is hidden within dying is
surely enhanced by the visual glories of autumn. . . . Autumn
constantly reminds me that my daily dyings are necessary precursors
to new life.”
How does the letting
go, the “daily dyings” of your life effect you? Jesus taught in
order to have life, we must lose our lives. It is a beautiful mess
this dying, letting go and losing the self in order to have life and
be whole. Not so unlike autumn. The leaves glow in glorious red,
orange and yellow. Sometime after the color begins to fade and the
leaves start to get crackly, a big, blustery wind tears the last of
them from the branches leaving the trees standing stark naked against
the gray sky. The leaves eventually turn into compost for the soil
making it rich and healthy, all the while seeds fall from dead
blossoms to reseed and multiply in preparation for glorious new life
to burst forth come spring. Can the letting go in our lives create a
rich purpose and beauty? I think so.
There are times in
our lives when the letting go, the dying to something in our lives,
plunges us into a dark place for awhile. Have you been there? I have.
I am amazed when I look back and remember some of the darkest seasons
of change for me, at the treasures buried among the decay and hurt.
Those surprising nuggets show their true colors on the bright side of
grieving. Those were times God used to release me to become more
truly who I am, freeing me from fears and dysfunctional thinking and
doing, and from myself. I am transformed and made new. It is hard to
admit, but in the dying, life is released. Death is not all doom and
gloom, autumn is one proof of it.
Here are some of the
highlights of my childhood autumn days:
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After a storm shaking branches from the trees, grandma would bribe us to help clean up the wooded pasture with a promised bonfire. We stacked all the branches against a large tree stump that stood in a small clearing. Later we invited neighborhood friends and cousins to roast hot dogs and marshmallows. All provided by grandma. It was such fun.
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Burning leaves. Oh what a haunting smell.
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Trick or treat in the small village nearby. Everyone knew us and we knew them. Mable made popcorn balls and always saved one for my mom.
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Homecoming, football and the school bonfire.
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Going back to school. I loved it!
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Burning candles and the first fire in the fireplace.
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Walking in the woods and the crunching of leaves beneath my feet.
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The cool crisp air carrying with it the scent of autumn. Can't explain it and no candle scent is a true copy.