For over an hour I lay frozen in fear;
I dare not reach across the bed for the phone to call for help. I
kept hearing the sound of creaking. I was certain a stranger was in
the house creeping up the hallway toward the bedroom. My shallow
breathing was an attempt to be as quiet as possible. I tried to
reason with myself, “If someone is in the hallway they would surely
have reached the bedroom by now.” There is no reasoning with fear
when its talons have dug deep into the brain. Eventually I was able
to reach for the phone to call someone and the crazy power of fear
ebbed away, leaving me muscle sore and ashamed. Slowly I became aware
of the rhythm of the sound – over and over it creaked; unbeknownst
to me the numbers from the flip clock beside the bed, changing and
dropping every minute, made a creaking sound.
I
was in my late teens when I first realized I was afraid when home
alone. By the time I was 20, married and living in a different state
than my parents the fear had escalated. I didn’t want anyone to
know; it seemed so childish. My husband was working nights and going
to school. I spent a lot of time alone and found myself depressed.
Slowly I began making friends which presented a new challenge: how
could I go out at night with friends and return home to an empty
house? I couldn’t.
Eventually
I broke down and told my friend, Deb. Her husband also worked nights
and she would invite me over. To go out in the evening, especially
for any length of time meant I needed to find a way to stay out until
my husband returned home. I refused to go home alone. Nights were the
worst, but even in the daytime I often looked over my shoulder when I
vacuumed for fear someone would come up behind me taking me by
surprise. It was illogical but I could not talk myself out of these
overwhelming fears. The humiliation of calling my husband several
times a week at work just so he could stay on the phone while I
checked the house kept me in such bondage. I never told my parents
but my brother knew.
One
time when I was home alone, I fell asleep and had a bad dream. I
called my brother in the middle of the night. When he came, I pulled
the mattress off my bed so he could sleep in the same room with me; I
slept on the box springs. It was a maddening way to live and I was
constantly in conflict with my need to socialize and the fear of
going home alone.
After
living in the area a few years, we made friends with a couple: Bob
and Sharon. Sharon started attending a class at our church about
healing prayers. We were visiting with them when Sharon excitedly
told me about what she was learning. I took the risk and told her
about my fears; I was desperate. Sharon assured me I could be healed.
She invited me to describe the first time I remembered being alone
and frightened. As I described the setting she began praying over me
and invited Jesus into the setting. Making sure I was fully aware of
His presence in the memory, she continued praying over me. There was
no evidence that evening anything had changed in me.
But
the next day I knew. I knew I was free! I didn’t look over my
shoulder while vacuuming. I was no longer unreasonably fearful. Time
proved this to be true. After this healing we moved to the country
and I often found myself alone in our big house. I was able to work
around the house even when no one was there without calling for
someone to be nearby. I am now nearly 60 and am still deeply grateful
for the night His Spirit delivered me from paralyzing fear. There are
so many wonderful adventures I would never have experienced if I had
remained imprisoned by fear.
Is
there something in your life holding you back: fear, anxiety,
depression, etc? Over the years God has brought healing to other
areas of my life through both counseling and prayer. Sometimes we
need to seek professional help on the journey of healing and
sometimes we need a friend who can pray over us believing we can be
healed. Often we need both. But I believe our God is a God of freedom
and He means for us to walk in freedom whatever route the journey of
healing takes us. I encourage you to reach out to a safe, godly
person who will walk with you on the journey of healing; resist the
lies of shame. I hope you will not give up. God cares.
“Transformation
and healing always begin in a place of desire. There needs to be some
deep inner willingness to take a risk on Jesus and begin again and
again. . . . The struggle for wholeness is not simply happening on a
physical level. To RSVP to God’s invitation to be well is to walk
straight into the mystery and responsibility of desire. When a desire
for change is awakened within us and shouldered in the presence of
God, we risk a new ‘normal’.” --Adele Calhoun
If
you have a story of freedom to share as an encouragement to others,
please share in the comments. If you need prayer to be set free from
something that has you bound and imprisoned I pray you will be given
courage to seek help and the desire to do whatever is required of you
to be set free.
