A couple weeks ago I spent time reading and meditating on Matthew 14:22-33. Jesus just fed 5,000 men along with their families by multiplying 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish. Immediately following this miraculous meal, Jesus made the disciples get into a boat and sent them off to the other side of the lake. Jesus remained to dismiss the crowd then climbed the mountain for solitude and prayer.
I wonder how the disciples felt being hustled off onto the boat. Imagine you in their place. How would you feel and what would you say or do? I would offer to stay and help. That’s a lot of people to dismiss alone. Hear the pride? It is possible Jesus was protecting His disciples. The crowd wanted to make Jesus king and resisting His direction to get in the boat would be to miss out on His protection from the disciples’ wavering idea of Him.
In Matthew’s passage, we see Jesus on the mountain in silence and solitude juxtaposed to the disciples in the boat “buffeted by the waves because [of] the wind.” Rowing against the tempestuous waves required great strength. They were a long way from land. Not all the disciples had been fishermen and it was quite possible a number of them were inexperienced rowers and little help.
Inexperienced, we sat in our rafts buckled up in life jackets being quickly schooled on what this experience would require of us. Though we were warned of the possibility of going over and the need to stay calm and let ourselves be carried by the current, in my naivete I didn’t expect anything to go wrong. We began slow and easy. I learned quickly to keep my feet tucked in under the inside lip of the raft; the bumpiness of the smaller rapids could easily propel you out of the boat. About halfway through the trip the guide warned us we were going to enter a narrow space between a rock wall and boulders in the river. The water rushed between the two. As we entered the curve of the river, the rapid was intense and we needed to tip up on the right side to get through. If we did this well we would come out of the tight corridor right side up. We did not do well; we tipped over completely.
The disciples were still struggling in the early morning hours when Jesus came towards them, walking on the water. They were frightened; they thought He was a ghost. Jesus spoke to them saying, “Take courage! It is I. Don’t be afraid.” Each of these short, complete sentences have something to say to us. The shorter version is that Peter believed – he believed enough to say, “Lord if it is you tell me to come to you on the water.” If you’ve read this passage, you know what happened to Peter. First, Peter accepted Jesus’ invitation and he climbed out of the boat. He miraculously walked on water toward His Lord but then became distracted by the waves. He became afraid and in that moment he went under.
The raft seemed to tip in slow motion. My son-in-law had the presence of mind to take a deep breath. I still hadn’t accepted something could go wrong and did not prepare myself to go under. I was completely taken by surprise. As soon as I submerged in the intensely agitated water, I panicked. I thought for one second, “It’s not good to panic.” But I couldn’t get hold of myself. I was reaching and grasping for anything and gasping for air. I bumped into the bottom of the raft and hoped for an air pocket. The rushing water filled every inch of space. The second time I bumped into the bottom of the raft was the same. I thought to myself, “I might not make it.”
What did Peter do when he found himself going down into the rough water? He cried out to Jesus. In desperation he refocused on the Lord. Jesus in His tender, loving mercy “reached out a hand and caught him.” And he asked, “Why did you doubt?”
Though nervous, I had taken the warnings lightly. I just didn’t believe anything would go wrong on my trip down the river. Why did I panic when I knew it was the worst way to handle the situation? Where was my faith? Just as suddenly as I considered not making it, I bobbed up out from under the raft, the last person to surface. The current pushed me toward the other rafters waiting along the edge of the river. Looking up at my son-in-law I said, “Get me out of here!” He reached down and pulled me into the raft. I was shaken. I was coughing. I was gasping for air. The guide handled me with gentleness and offered me an out but strongly urged I complete the trip. I knew if I quit, I would forever be afraid of any water sport.
I wasn’t sure I could continue. My family had watched and waited for me to emerge from the water alive. They were now watching to see what I would do with my fear. I was free to get on the bus alongside the river and mosey down the mountain whimpering. I chose to finish the trip and was grateful I did. But I could not shake the fact that I gave into panic. I don’t recall how I prayed during my panic. I wasn’t thinking clearly at all.
When have you been overwhelmed with fear? Were you able to call out to Jesus? How long did you struggle before you remembered He was there? I was desperate under the water. When I take my gaze off Jesus and give into fear, I am paralyzed to trust or do what is best no matter what is taking me under. We had instructions on how to handle a spill in the river. We were to relax and float with the current. The guides would have rafts on the side of the river where the current would carry us. Like Peter looking at the waves instead of Jesus, I let the fear of the river keep me from trusting in the guidance I had been given.
Maybe you are overwhelmed by circumstances in your life. What is God’s invitation to you in the midst of your turmoil? What helps you return your gaze upon Jesus? Peter was right there with Jesus and yet he looked away. We do this sometimes; we get distracted by the things larger than our abilities to handle. We forget who invites us to walk on water and makes it possible.
