(Written June 1)
It's gray this morning. Again! In San Diego we have a saying, “May gray, June gloom”. And it has been gray! I sit here wrapped in a blanket. The temperature in my house is 68 degrees and the humidity is 89% and trending upward. People around me, who love being cold, do not notice the humidity; I am sensitive to the moisture in the air – the dampness that takes what could be a nice, warm 68 on a dry, sunny day and chills it down to something requiring a blanket, sweater and leggings. I resist the temptation to turn on the heater this first day of June.
Today I interview for an on-call position; it includes overnight shifts. On this gray, damp, chilly day I am weighed down with concerns of how unfitting this world is for one wired such as I. Yes, we all have to spend a lot of life living outside our comfort zones. In general I tend to be a bit too aware of how I cross wires with the culturally designed models for living. Of course those of us who follow Jesus are certainly strangers passing through; all this is temporary. I am relieved to know the tight-fitting, uncomfortable sometimes hard to bear places I find myself in will one day be left in a heap of dust on this earth while I move about in forever freedom.
So many people face difficult changes beyond anything I've experienced; diseases or events draining all normalcy from the everyday for months and years. Sometimes these experiences require the development of a new normal to be built around the continuous breach in one's life. My anxiety is over something very temporary and yet I dread feeling as if a large chunk of life will be cut away leaving a gaping hole behind in a blur of busyness. I have to ask myself if I am spoiled, or like many others just struggling with change. Change can rock the boat and tip me out of my safe space until I am in over my head and gasping for a few minutes to slow down and breathe; needing to find space for inhaling some calm and rest instead of a vacuum induced panic.
Everyday I find myself drawn to people who remind me of God's faithfulness and His immeasurable grace for each moment and each situation. I leave you with this link to Emily P. Freeman's blog http://emilypfreeman.com/blog/, where you will find encouragement as you go through the kinds of changes leaving you in a gray, damp place of forgotten awareness of His sustaining grace. Look for 7 Days of Still Moments, by Emily P. Freeman.