The
pain draped around her story like a heavy, tattered coat. There was
confusion and hurt and a desire to please. In the midst of these
moments I began to realize how so many of us enter our adult lives
with unrealistic expectations – ideals of what being loved looks
like and expectations of a life perfectly wrapped in happiness and
beauty. Once upon a time her story was my story; I am healing. When I
was a child, adults would talk about keeping up with the Jones,
meaning the neighbors next door; now we are trying to keep up with
just about everyone on social media. I have begun asking myself why
fitting in with people I don’t know well, or at all, matters? Why
care if any of these social
media folks are pleased with me?
In
the end, don’t you think all we really want is to belong, to have a
tribe of people with whom we experience meaningful connection? When
it comes down to it, don’t we care more about being known and loved
by those taking this journey with us than whether or not they are
invested in meeting all our ideals? It is stressful for everyone when
perfection is where we hang our values; friendships are no longer
real or meaningful when we strive for or expect perfectionism.
Healthy relationships have boundaries of respect wrapped up in grace.
Wouldn’t you much rather have people enjoy being in relationship
with you than perfectly please you?
Sometimes,
like many of you, I focus on what is missing – that elusive,
perfect life. I find embracing the life I’ve been given increases
contentment, peace and joy. As I take steps toward embracing my life
– one that doesn’t live up to all my expectations – I find more
of what I truly need. Embrace is a word that has captured me in the
past couple of months. A question I came across in a book study my
sister and I did together was, “What do you want more of?” I knew
instantly I wanted more meaningful interaction with the people who
matter most to me, like my sister. I want to make it a priority to
prioritize the people I love and long to know better.
The
realization began growing, like a snowball rolling down hill, as one
situation after another presented itself with opportunities to
connect. But first I had to ask God: What is this life you have given
me? I sought to discover what He wanted me to embrace and where He
wanted me to invest my time. And then I found He led using the
desires He had given me. He invited me to look at what’s available,
not what is lacking. It began with spending time with my sister.
From
there God gave my husband and I a wonderful opportunity to hike with
my nephew, his fiancee and their baby. We met early in the cool of
the day. They had packed a picnic and drove us to a canyon where we
enjoyed surprises like an old cowboy dugout, wild turkeys strolling
with a road runner, and genuine fellowship. Upon our return home from
the visit with family in Texas my friend, Crystal, came to spend a
weekend with us; saying she needed time with me. I had not been aware
of my own need to be with her, but our visit left me filled and
overflowing as we prayed together before she left.
In
May I began reading Bonnie Gray’s book, Whispers of Rest,
and knew I wanted to take this 40-day journey of rest with others. I
opened my home and invited women from my church, as well as a new
friend, to join me in experiencing more intimacy with God and deeper
acceptance of His love for us. It has been a sweet time of heartfelt
sharing and genuine connection. As I attempt to live life where I’ve
been placed, God is teaching me to embrace what He has given, and I
am experiencing more contentment. There is a place inside of me
bursting forth into full bloom as I endeavor to embrace this life
here on my street, with these people and in this community. I can’t
fully explain it but I feel myself opening up and expanding.
Have
you ever found yourself trying to adjust to a place and not quite
figuring it out? Have you struggled with unrealistic expectations?
How have you embraced the space in which God has placed you? I would
love to hear about your experience.
Early
summer reading:
What
are you reading?
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