Freedom From Fear

For over an hour I lay frozen in fear; I dare not reach across the bed for the phone to call for help. I kept hearing the sound of creaking. I was certain a stranger was in the house creeping up the hallway toward the bedroom. My shallow breathing was an attempt to be as quiet as possible. I tried to reason with myself, “If someone is in the hallway they would surely have reached the bedroom by now.” There is no reasoning with fear when its talons have dug deep into the brain. Eventually I was able to reach for the phone to call someone and the crazy power of fear ebbed away, leaving me muscle sore and ashamed. Slowly I became aware of the rhythm of the sound – over and over it creaked; unbeknownst to me the numbers from the flip clock beside the bed, changing and dropping every minute, made a creaking sound.

I was in my late teens when I first realized I was afraid when home alone. By the time I was 20, married and living in a different state than my parents the fear had escalated. I didn’t want anyone to know; it seemed so childish. My husband was working nights and going to school. I spent a lot of time alone and found myself depressed. Slowly I began making friends which presented a new challenge: how could I go out at night with friends and return home to an empty house? I couldn’t.

Eventually I broke down and told my friend, Deb. Her husband also worked nights and she would invite me over. To go out in the evening, especially for any length of time meant I needed to find a way to stay out until my husband returned home. I refused to go home alone. Nights were the worst, but even in the daytime I often looked over my shoulder when I vacuumed for fear someone would come up behind me taking me by surprise. It was illogical but I could not talk myself out of these overwhelming fears. The humiliation of calling my husband several times a week at work just so he could stay on the phone while I checked the house kept me in such bondage. I never told my parents but my brother knew.

One time when I was home alone, I fell asleep and had a bad dream. I called my brother in the middle of the night. When he came, I pulled the mattress off my bed so he could sleep in the same room with me; I slept on the box springs. It was a maddening way to live and I was constantly in conflict with my need to socialize and the fear of going home alone.

After living in the area a few years, we made friends with a couple: Bob and Sharon. Sharon started attending a class at our church about healing prayers. We were visiting with them when Sharon excitedly told me about what she was learning. I took the risk and told her about my fears; I was desperate. Sharon assured me I could be healed. She invited me to describe the first time I remembered being alone and frightened. As I described the setting she began praying over me and invited Jesus into the setting. Making sure I was fully aware of His presence in the memory, she continued praying over me. There was no evidence that evening anything had changed in me.

But the next day I knew. I knew I was free! I didn’t look over my shoulder while vacuuming. I was no longer unreasonably fearful. Time proved this to be true. After this healing we moved to the country and I often found myself alone in our big house. I was able to work around the house even when no one was there without calling for someone to be nearby. I am now nearly 60 and am still deeply grateful for the night His Spirit delivered me from paralyzing fear. There are so many wonderful adventures I would never have experienced if I had remained imprisoned by fear.

Is there something in your life holding you back: fear, anxiety, depression, etc? Over the years God has brought healing to other areas of my life through both counseling and prayer. Sometimes we need to seek professional help on the journey of healing and sometimes we need a friend who can pray over us believing we can be healed. Often we need both. But I believe our God is a God of freedom and He means for us to walk in freedom whatever route the journey of healing takes us. I encourage you to reach out to a safe, godly person who will walk with you on the journey of healing; resist the lies of shame. I hope you will not give up. God cares.

“Transformation and healing always begin in a place of desire. There needs to be some deep inner willingness to take a risk on Jesus and begin again and again. . . . The struggle for wholeness is not simply happening on a physical level. To RSVP to God’s invitation to be well is to walk straight into the mystery and responsibility of desire. When a desire for change is awakened within us and shouldered in the presence of God, we risk a new ‘normal’.” --Adele Calhoun

If you have a story of freedom to share as an encouragement to others, please share in the comments. If you need prayer to be set free from something that has you bound and imprisoned I pray you will be given courage to seek help and the desire to do whatever is required of you to be set free.