Waiting

“I wait for the Lord, my soul waits, and in his word I put my hope.” (Psalm 130:5)

Waiting. We are waiting. We have been in a hold for several weeks – waiting for important results and directions. Aren’t we all waiting for something? We go in and out of periods of waiting. In the waiting I recognize I have a preference for how I want things to turn out. I also recognize I have a choice: make demands or express my desires and release my preferences to the One who knows best. In the waiting I often find myself doing battle with anxiety, not resting in trust. It’s like catch and release fishing. I release my desires and anxieties to Jesus, reel them back in, only to release them again. There are times when this goes on all day long, and at the end of the day I am worn out from the struggle. And there are better days – days when I don’t allow my longings to be cast out and hooked into anxiety; I rest in Him.

When I am in a spot of waiting, I would rather be in a position like Pooh Bear stuck in Rabbit’s hole. His friends came and read to him and kept him entertained while he waited. And so sometimes I find myself scrolling social media to forget my anxiety – to avoid the struggle of releasing – I go face down and numb out. But when I surface I meet my anxiety waiting at the top; and in addition, I’ve gathered a gloomy fog from boring into an unsatisfactory escape.

Unlike Pooh Bear who is shrinking while he waits in order to be released from Rabbit’s hole, I am enlarged in the waiting. “All around us we observe a pregnant creation. The difficult times of pain through out the world are simply birth pangs. But it’s not only around us; it’s within us. The Spirit of God is arousing us within. We’re also feeling the birth pangs. These sterile and barren bodies of ours are yearning for full deliverance. That is why waiting does not diminish us, any more than waiting diminishes a pregnant mother. We are enlarge in the waiting. We, of course, don’t see what is enlarging us. But the longer we wait, the larger we become, and the more joyful our expectancy. Meanwhile, the moment we get tired in the waiting, God’s Spirit is right alongside helping us along.” (Romans 8:22-26, The Message)

As difficult as it seems, much good comes from waiting, particularly if I don’t allow waiting to paralyze me. What have you learned from waiting? What do you do while waiting? It certainly depends on the type of wait as to what I will do. If I find myself waiting for an appointment, I read. If in a long line I may talk with people around me. My husband has been weeding like crazy while waiting – getting things caught up.

Here in this place of limbo, I cling to what I know to be true of God the Father. Nothing gets past Him and He is bigger than the wait. Worry says, “Things will grow worse if the wait is too long.” The Spirit reminds me no matter how long the wait, what God determines will happen; no wait will change God’s will for us. And so we wait trusting the news we receive will be what He planned all along, and He will make us able to persevere and glorify Him in the process.

I found these words from Adele Ahlberg Calhoun’s book, Invitations From God, helpful on the topic of waiting: “Waiting is how God’s people develop the conviction, humility and longing to know they need saving and that only God can save them. . . . To wait is not to sublimate or repress desire. God tells us to voice our desires. But expressing what we long for is different from demanding that God or someone else give it to us. Between desire and demand there is a space – a transformative space of waiting. This space is a litmus test of what’s in our hearts. Do we trust God’s goodness over the long haul, admitting that we don’t always know what is best for ourselves or others? . . . The space between desire and demand is a risky waiting place. It is the place where we go to wait with God and let go of control. The place between desire and demand can hold longings, disappointments, loss, unmet expectations, joys and deep gratitude. It is the place where we learn to attach ourselves fully to God’s will rather than our own so we can wait with open hands, and with hope and trust. . . . (Ps. 62:1-3) . . . waiting is not an empty moment but a moment in which a strong and comforting God dwells. . . . Waiting is that holy place where my heart can be converted, my character honed and hope focused.”

May you find yourself more fully attached to God and your heart enlarged in hope eternal as your wait comes to a close.

Nature Renewal

March was a challenging month bearing difficult news to process. The tight squeeze of the uncomfortable stuff of life delivered a sudden urge within me to be in open spaces. I had to find a reasonable place to satisfy it. I am certain the urge had been growing inside me without my giving it attention for some time, but suddenly I was overpowered; I had to take to the road and find a nature fix. The joy being out in nature brings to me is so surprising, and it makes me wonder why I wait so long to take my soul outside, clear outside the city, to be revived.

I have started two different blog posts in the last few weeks; stuck in each I chose to put them on hold. I will come back to them another day. It occurred to me I just need to write about the one thing that lifted my spirits above the trials of life and rejuvenated me. Life sometimes gives us heavy loads to carry, and my load has been a bit weighted. There are times when going outside to play in God’s creation is the only way I can release this load to Him and rediscover a joyous peace.

“I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my sense put in order.” --John Burroughs

Wednesdays, late morning and into the early afternoon, are generally our time to take as a couple to catch up with each other and deepen our relationship. It is not that this is the only time we spend together but this is a protected time just for us. Last week’s date involved going to one of my favorite outdoor spaces. Some may imagine it to be the beach considering where we live, but I desire a green space wrapped in a quiet hush. It is not exactly a wilderness, but the Ramona Grasslands (a preserve) is a spacious place of relative quiet, and I find it incredibly soothing for my soul.

Green is the color that represents life and according to Merriam Webster Dictionary, green as a transitive verb means to rejuvenate or revitalize. Green spaces rejuvenate and revitalize me. I experience wide open green spaces as life giving.

Last November we visited the Ramona Grasslands with my daughter Emile. Though the quiet space restored me, all around us was the color of drought. Everything was brittle and the pond was devoid of water. This water hole, once a home to egrets and cows cooling, exposed its underside lined with crusty dirt. Still I found the quiet there a balm for my soul.

“We need the tonic of the wilderness. We can never have enough of nature.” --Henry David Thoreau

But this time, after a good rainy winter, the green laid soft over the hills. My eyes could not absorb enough of the loveliness around me. Tiny light purple and yellow flowers swarmed ahead of us covering the ground. Squirrels ran about, some perched on boulders soaking up the sun. Rabbits hopped across the trail at our approach. As we walked the trail I felt I myself expanding with hope; everything in me responded to nature’s invitation. We occasionally stopped to listen to the melody of nature’s soft sounds. A small stream forged new territory as it moved through the green grass. Wild sweet peas wrapped around shrubs and grabbed our attention with their hot pink blossoms. I felt all the tension drain from me in this generous space.

On the far side of our walk was the pond, the one that had been barren last visit, and this time it couldn’t contain itself. It had slurped up full and spilled out over the edges on the low end carving a tiny water fall and stream. Delighted! We snapped pictures and my husband walked the plank of a tree branch hanging out over the water. Ducks moved away from us to the other side. While admiring the fullness, relief washed over me. I am relieved for the ducks, the pond, the land and for the generous season of rain.

As we finished up the wild flower loop we heard an interesting bird call. Looking around we found the little guy sitting on the very tip of the highest branch in a small tree. Over and over he chirped, cocking his head back each time. We laughed. That proud little thing certainly demanded attention. I envied his lack of self-consciousness. Oh the lovely joys we’re given when we are alert to what is going on around us.

When I pay attention to the natural beauty around me I am reminded not only of its revitalizing powers, but of its power to bring me into the presence of God. We can’t miss Him while paying attention to the immense organized details of the beautiful world around us. We are told in Romans we have no excuse for not recognizing God’s power in all He has created. “For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse” (Romans 1:20). Oh how He wants to be known by us, so much so that He created a world of great beauty and mystery to lure us into a sweet, life giving intimacy with Him. I experience a different kind of closeness to Him when I am outside.

How are you making space for life giving activities? What do you find to be revitalizing? Be encouraged by the joyous moments woven into the difficulties of life. The trials we go through are not the full purpose of this life. Life can be hard, but all of it gives opportunity to know Him more fully, to ripen our faith and to glorify God.