Living into the Hard Season

A note before you begin: In this writing I wrestle with finding goodness in this difficult season.

Rethinking it, I was tempted to delete the whole post and start again. I already rearranged and deleted thoughts, then turned it over to my husband to read. It is what it is. I do believe God is with me and working in me in this season. This morning a heavy reality pressed upon me. Everyone in the world is in a difficult season – has been since the global pandemic. This means many of you are dealing with multiple crises in your difficult season. I am not alone. You are not alone. And so as I share how I am seeking to see God in this season, I hope you experience a deep knowing within: you are not alone either.

The day I began writing this a sea breeze whispered through the palm branches in the neighbor’s back yard. Today as I rewrite and edit we had an unexpected rain shower with thunder and lightening. A rare treat in Southern California. The leaves of our pomegranate tree are fading while the blush of the fruit deepens. It’s a beautiful, comfortable day. September slipped in while I was in Texas helping my Mom. On the first day of the month a dear friend passed from this life into eternity. I find myself mourning the loss of her and feeling a bit glazed over after the whirlwind summer. When I feel frayed I start looking for a hideaway – a place where I can control what’s happening. The reality is I will not find one. Have you found that to be true for you too?

Of course I set boundaries and I say, “No”, but the truth is I don’t control everything that enters and dominates a season of life. I can choose to embrace the season as is and look for the little gifts it hands out. Even in dark seasons it is surprising what pushes through a hard bit of earth. As I shared in an earlier post this summer, without any help from us, a wild sunflower came forth and sent out several cheery blossoms. It was a lovely addition standing next to the bird feeder.

I came across this poem by Wendell Berry. It speaks to my heart – a heart that is comforted by God’s goodness in creating the beauty of the earth.

“When despair for the world grows in me

and I wake in the night at the least sound

in fear of what my life and my children’s lives may be,

I go and lie down where the wood drake

rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds.

I come into the peace of the wild things

who do not tax their lives with forethought

of grief. I come into the presence of still water.

And I feel above me the day-blind stars

waiting with their light. For a time

I rest in the grace of the world, and I am free.”

– Wendell Berry

What kind of season do you find yourself in right now? Are you in the beginning, middle or end of a season? What surprising gifts are pushing through the hard soil of this difficult season? Most days I feel just fine considering all I deal with alongside carrying burdens for so many others and their sorrows. Then there are days when deep weariness sets in and I don’t want to decisions about supper or what to do for a date day. You know those kinds of days; we all have them.

In the midst of a challenging season there are others being hit hard – like waves crashing over them each time they attempt to stand. Some are assaulted by horrific crises. Monday last week I received two phone calls, people in their darkest moments needing prayer. My own difficulties, though real, don’t compare. There are people who are facing worse. I want to keep things in perspective without ignoring the effects of our experience on Jim and me.

Though our trials don’t compare, we feel the weight of our experiences; bodies and minds get worn down. How do we keep a reasonably good outlook when three stress-filled challenges overlap in one season and on top of it all there is no peace and quiet in the neighborhood? And how do we bear it all when the whole world seems to be in a crisis? How do we continue to walk in grace and compassion for self and others?

And more importantly how do we keep our gaze on the One who brings life where there is death? Paul writes in Romans 4:19-21 concerning Abraham: “Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead – since he was about a hundred years old – and that Sarah’s womb was also dead. Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God has power to do what he had promised.”

Abraham believed God. He believed God’s promise. Abraham believed God could bring life where there was only death. Are you weary? Are there areas of your life that feel dead? Do you believe that even in the most barren, dried up place within you, God can breathe new life? He can and He will. This is my hope in the middle of this multi-layered challenging season.

When I feel dried up, the Breath of Life is the One who fully rejuvenates me. As I wait, I can invest in caring for this temple – the dwelling of the Holy Spirit. In this season with its hardships, I am often reminded of the speech given on every flight about the oxygen mask: the parent is to put on their oxygen mask first before assisting the child. If a parent runs out of oxygen what happens to the child? I am a helper, so even when I am in a hard place it is hard to say “No.” But like the truest version of Autumn, I am learning to let go. I am turning more towards the needs behind my front door. This does not mean I am not showing care for others, but I see the need to pour more care into our little family so we can carry on with the work God has allowed in our current season. It is a real discipline for me.

Self-care – putting on my oxygen mask first – is necessary for going the long haul in being there for one another while weathering rough days, weeks or years. Here are a few practices I find necessary and life-giving for me right now.

• Daily time with God is most significant. There are days I would buckle under if I were not intentional about reading the Bible, praying and meditating on God’s truths. This is my lifeline.

• Thinking about Jesus, my Shepherd, Who leads me and tends to my every need. I find thoughts of Jesus the Good Shepherd so comforting. I hope soon to share more with you what I have been learning about the significance of Jesus as our Shepherd.

• Exercise, practical, but essential. I don’t exercise as consistently as I would like but keep coming back to it. I feel better emotionally and physically when I make time for exercise. The very best exercise for me is walking outside.

• Accepting my limits. No surprise there but how often do you push past your limits, not paying attention to what your body, mind and spirit need? God has been reminding me He made me human with limitations. I need to recognize those limits and lean on Him. We are in a season unlike any we have ever been and perhaps I need to let go of some things for a season.

• Consent to the current season. Embrace it. This is harder said than done. Sometimes it feels unfair but seek God’s invitation in this season. I want to trust God is with me and will bring good from a hard season.

• Create life-giving rhythms for circumstances and don’t rely on what worked before. Let go and simplify how I move through the days. This isn’t simple nor can I say I do it well; I am learning. What does it look like? It is learning to say “no” to things I always do, things that will wait well. It means focusing on relationships close to home more than ever. It means making simpler meals whether for us or for someone else.

• Find time for life-giving activities. When a season is full of life-draining activities, it is important to replenish joy with activities here and there that lift my spirit. Sadly, these are the things I have the most difficulty weaving into my life. I need time in nature, creating, and reading. I also need time with a few close friends – long distance friends on Zoom and friends nearby for a walk.

• Give myself grace. Often in challenging seasons, we don’t know what is the best thing to do and need lots of grace for navigating uncharted territory with a bit of humility to learn from others who have traveled a similar road.

• For those of you with noisy neighbors – a place where quiet is hard to find – keep a good supply of earplugs and use them even during the day.

My brother often says, “You are either in the middle of a crisis, entering a crisis, or leaving a crisis.” I consider this a season, not a crisis. Some seasons are harder than others. I hope and pray your season is one of delight and hope. And if you find yourself in a challenging season, I pray it is coming to an end. These encouraging and beautiful words from Hebrews are a lullaby to me. I pray this for you now, my friend, and may you experience His comforting presence wherever you find yourself this moment.

“May the God of peace, who through the blood of the eternal covenant brought back from the dead our Lord Jesus, that great Shepherd of the sheep, equip you with everything good for doing his will, and may he work in us what is pleasing to him, through Jesus Christ, to whom be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” – Hebrews 13:20-22

I wonder what He is working in me. How about you?