A Moody Sort of Day

The weather was moody at the beginning of the week. One minute it was dark gray, then sunny, then gray again. It couldn’t seem to make up its mind and neither could I. I sat looking out the window at our tangerine tree and my heart was filled with a longing to write but uncertain what to offer up. My mood seemed as fickle as the weather. I thought it was the dark clouds of a moody Monday but today is a bright, sunny day and I still feel a little off. It makes no sense.

Ever have one of those days or weeks when your mood is off and you aren’t sure what is going on? I am not talking about depression, just a mood. It is important that I first recognize this is a feeling, not my reality. The mood might not lift right away and it may be more difficult to stay focused on projects at hand. It’s the mindless tasks I can get through on days like this. Tasks like laundry, chopping vegetables, cleaning, weeding, etc. – ordinary, everyday chores keep me tethered to life giving activity. The sluggish pull of moodiness has the greatest impact on my writing, listening and studying.

A funny memory just popped up regarding being stuck. When I was in early elementary school we lived in a new house and there were places in the yard that were just dirt, no grass. A good downpour turned parts of our backyard into a grand mud puddle. The sight of it drew my brother and me out to explore. We put on our rain boots and marched outside as if we were joining Pooh Bear and Christopher Robin on an expedition. Soon one of us would completely walk right out of a boot. The mud had latched onto the boot sucking it down into its gooey grasp. The bootless child would stand on one foot, wobbling like a drunk pelican (never saw one but I can imagine) trying to free the boot from the mud. The sibling would try to help but usually we would find ourselves standing on each other’s feet. Then we would yell for Mom. She’d put on her boots and rescue all mud trapped boots and the two children struggling not to put their unclad feet down into the squishy mess. Sometimes Mom would get stuck too but eventually we were all free because Mom knew how to deal with mud.

“Christopher Robin was sitting outside his door, putting on his Big Boots. As soon as he saw the Big Boots, Pooh knew that an Adventure was going to happen, and he brushed the honey off his nose with the back of his paw, and spruced himself up as well as he could so as to look Ready for Anything.”

– A. A. Milne

Even though Mom may not have been able to keep from getting stuck too, she knew how to get us all free. Sometimes I need to look for a more able bodied person(s) to show me the way of getting unstuck. Like the four friends of the paralytic in Mark 2:1-12. The paralytic was at the mercy of his friends. Four of his friends carried him to a home where Jesus was speaking. It was crowded. Elbows everywhere blocked the way. So like any reasonably desperate friends, they made a hole in the roof above Jesus. It was a hole big enough to lower their friend down through, mat and all. Don’t you think there was a bit of a commotion below as the roof was being removed? Everyone must have looked up in surprise as the man was lowered down through the hole. The faith of the paralytic and his friends resulted in forgiveness and healing; the paralytic was able to pick up his mat and elbow his way back out through the crowd.

One thing I noticed when I am a bit moody is I often haven’t had enough fellowship with friends. I am an introvert who is involved in ministering to others, so I come home and renew in the quiet. But sometimes I don’t recognize my need to hang out with my friends – the people who know me well, make me laugh, challenge me to go deeper with Christ, and help me with hard things. Introverts need people too and when I forget to make time for friends I can get moody.

When you feel sluggish and moody what do you do to move past the mood and live in the reality of today? Here are a few practical things I need to check when I feel this way:

• How long have I been sitting? Do I need a walk?
• Do I need to find a quiet place and have a talk with Jesus?
• Am I drinking enough water?
• Have I had too much sugar today?
• When was the last time I had an uplifting talk with a friend?
• When was the last time I took a play break? A play break will be different things for different people. Playing, for me, usually means doing something creative without a driving purpose.
• Am I in need of a healthy, home cooked meal? Curried Pumpkin Sweet Potato soup, a comfort food with a touch of the exotic, fills our home with the spicy scent of a far away place. It makes me smile.

Mini mood lifters

• A stroll around the yard to see what’s blooming.
  Today I took a cup of tea and wandered around the back yard. The Michaelmus Daisy bush, which nearly died last summer, is bursting with cheery dark pink blossoms. The Sweet Pea bush I got for Jim in memory of his Mom the Mother’s Day after she died has grown and is covered in small purple and yellow blooms. The Jasmine and Wisteria smell lovely. And the most amazing thing: the Sweet Peas I planted from seed are growing and I hardly ever get seeds to produce plants. That little stroll lifted my spirits and filled my heart with gratitude.
• A delicious cup of tea. I like French Vanilla with creamer. Good Earth tea not only tastes good but fills the room with a warm, spicy scent.
• Spend a few minutes reading an encouraging passage of Scripture or a nice bit of poetry.
• Listen to birds, wind chimes or classical music.
• A few minutes of silence with my heart inclined to the Holy Spirit.
• Giving thanks and offering up praise to God.
• Write a haiku. This doesn’t have to be professional. It is a fun way to describe the day.
• Turn on music and dance. Movement helps make a shift in the brain and lightens the mood.

Moods come and go. Sometimes a mood is just a mood. Other times a mood comes over me because I have neglected to have a necessary hard conversation with someone, or I was hurt earlier in the day and ignored it. When the mood is tied to a neglected responsibility it is important I take steps to face it. If I have been hurt I may need talk to the person who hurt me or I may need to find a healthy way to process it. Journaling, praying, and talking to a safe person are all good ways to process hurt feelings. I certainly don’t want to stay stuck in a bad mood because I didn’t take responsibility for myself.

Today I just needed a walk around the yard and take a nice, long walk through the neighborhood. I also scheduled a couple of dates with friends for the weekend. So if you are like me and you sometimes have a moody Eeyore sort of day try something different. Make a list of things that work for you and share it with the rest of us. Like Eeyore, someone might find one of your ideas will work for them too.

“But, Eeyore,” said Pooh in distress, what can we – I mean, how shall we – do you think if we – "

“Yes,” said Eeyore. “One of those would be just the thing. Thank you, Pooh.”

– A. A. Milne

*Photos by Jim Joiner and edited by Julie Joiner

Living Truth As A New Creation

“The body is important, but the mind is all-important. And the most important thing about your mind is what it is fixed upon. . . . The focus of your thoughts significantly affects everything else that happens in your life and evokes the feelings that frame your world and motivate your actions. Thoughts are where we make our first movements toward God and where the divine Spirit begins to direct our will to God and his way. We have the ability and responsibility to keep God present in our minds, and those who do so will make steady progress toward him, for he will respond by making himself known to us” Dallas Willard, Life Without Lack.

The neighbor’s tree is tall and willowy. I do not know the genus or species of the tree. The thing I do know, from observation, is that it loses its leaves gradually. Old leaves fall off as buds form and new leaves redress the branches. The branches are more exposed in the process but the tree is never completely bare. The old is dropping off while the new is coming on. I am fortunate to watch this process beginning late January into February.

It makes me think of Paul’s words: “Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

“You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22-24).

When we choose to actively participate in this transformation of taking off the old and putting on the new it can be a bit like the transformation of my neighbor’s tree. The exception is when we choose to follow Jesus we are fully covered in His righteousness while being transformed. This is one of those great mysteries of the kingdom of God I do not fully understand. You and I are wholly covered in His righteousness while being transformed into His righteousness.

Spiritual formation in Christ moves toward a total interchange of our ideas and images for his. . . . And after he has implanted new life from above in us by Word and Spirit, we can (and must) also begin to take initiative in progressively retaking the whole of our thought life for God’s kingdom. His grace will accompany us every step of the way, but it will never permit us to be merely passive in our spiritual formation in Christ” Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart.

The process of taking off the old life and putting on the new life leaves a recognizable change; others begin to notice how different you’ve become. My teacher Nancy Kane says, “You should see a noticeable change every three months.” How are you measuring up? Do others see changes in you?

In his book, Renovation of the Heart, Dallas Willard writes, “As we first turned away from God in our thoughts, so it is in our thoughts that the first movements toward renovation of the heart occur. Thoughts are the place where we can and must begin to change. There the light of God first begins to move upon us through the word of Christ, and there the divine Spirit begins to direct our will to more and more thoughts that can provide the basis for choosing to realign ourselves with God and his way. The ultimate freedom we have as human beings is the power to select what we will allow or require our minds to dwell upon.”

Let’s start with the mind and the story you are telling yourself. I talked about this a little in the last blog post. Draw a silhouette of a head. Make a map of your thoughts by jotting inside the drawn head what you are thinking. Add to this throughout the day. I think you might be surprised how often your thoughts are based on lies. I am.

What are your thoughts saying about you, about your life right now, about others and about God? Recently I was sharing with my spiritual director about a struggle I was having with a schedule change to one particular portion of my week – a change that occurred nearly 9 years ago. This one particular addition to my week is a good thing, and as I described it to her I began to recognize it as such. She said to me, “It sounds like you need to find a new way of looking at this.” Before we ended our session I realized I had been seeing this commitment through an unhealthy role I learned as a child. I had been experiencing it as a time to do my duty for others, not from a sincere place, but a place of obligation. A remnant of fear left over from the past resided inside me – a fear I would be lost if I opened myself to this change. My thinking was skewed by a past experience and I had delivered an unhealthy belief into this beautiful opportunity, tainting it and forfeiting joy.

As I prayed and meditated on this the past month, I realized I could choose to see this commitment differently. God gave me a different lens with which to view this commitment. Have you ever looked through the wrong end of a pair of binoculars? Things are small, very small, and not seen in all their glorious detail. I am choosing to let go of my small view, distorted thinking, and allow God to show me a clearer, up close view – changing my thoughts to His way of thinking, from a lie to truth.

Our thoughts most often run on the rails of fear and negativity. When they do, we are looking through the wrong end of the binoculars and focus on ourselves and our situation. When looking through the correct lens our focus is on God; our thoughts are riding on the rails of truth – His Word. Oh I know how hard it can be to leave the ruts of old thinking but we do not do this on our own. Our Lord and Savior takes us by the hand and empowers us on this journey of leaving behind the old and putting on the new.

In 2 Corinthians 10:5 Paul tells us, “We demolish arguments and every pretension (a synonym of pretension is artificiality, which is something not true or real) that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every though to make it obedient to Christ.”

The footnote of my NIV Study Bible says this about “every thought . . . obedient to Christ.” “The center of man’s being thus becomes fully subject to the lordship of Christ.”

The NASB Life Principles Bible (Charles Stanley) says this in the footnote: “Paul speaks a great deal about training the mind to think in a way that honors God because the mind is the primary battlefield for spiritual warfare. Remember, what you focus your mind on has lasting ramifications. This is because a thought reaps an action, an action reaps a habit, a habit reaps your character, and your character reaps your destiny. Therefore, we must reject anything that does not honor Christ in our thinking (Phil. 4:8. 9; Col 3:2)”.

Where are your thoughts taking you? Have you spent years, like me, setting up a barrier in your mind against something God has allowed in your life? We’ve taken a look at the stories we tell ourselves, our slant on ourselves, our realities, and God. What are some steps we can take to change the neural pathways in our brains – to get off the rails of “stinkin’ thinkin’”? Let me say this first: We have a responsibility to take action, the Holy Spirit heals and delivers us. We cannot fix ourselves but our willingness to step out in obedience is essential.

Let’s begin with the spiritual disciplines. Adele Ahlberg Calhou, author of Spiritual Disciplines Handbook, writes, “A spiritual practice isn’t magic. It won’t change you by itself, but it puts you in a place to partner with the Holy Spirit to become an ever fresh eikōn [likeness] of Jesus.” Here is list of some of the more commonly known spiritual practices. You may do some of these already. You do not need to be doing them all at once, but to choose a new discipline can help you get past going through the motions and truly being transformed.

• Accountability partner – to be accountable to one who is honest and will point you to Christ – sharing temptations, challenges, problem thoughts, etc.
• Bible study – to know God better and to recognize the relevancy of the Bible to my life as a disciple of Jesus. Can be done alone and in community.
• Confession and self-examination – allowing the Holy Spirit to show you weaknesses and faults you need to confess and surrender. This is not for shaming but for freeing and transforming you (Psalm 139:23-24). The baseline for us is the Scriptures. How are you doing in light of the Ten Commandments, the seven deadly sins, David’s confessions in the Psalms and the rebelliousness of the Israelites? Do you see yourself reflected there?
• Gratitude – when we live in gratitude our thoughts are turned from circumstances to the Savior.
• Fasting – denying our cravings for a time in order to seek God.
• Journaling – a way of reflecting on how you have experienced God’s presence and what He is teaching you. Looking back over old journals one can see patterns in behavior and identify changes.
• Meditation – to slow down and mull over a passage, to let the passage marinate in your heart, and listening to the Holy Spirit. Through meditation you can gain a greater depth of insight and understanding.
• Memorization – Adele Ahlberg Calhoun says, “developing a habit of remembering anchors your life in biblical truth.” It is worth the effort to memorize passages.
• Prayer of lament – to lament is to express great sorrow, sadness or unhappiness. A prayer of lament is bringing your heartache to God – grieving in His presence.
• Praying Scripture –praying meaningful passages will help shape your thinking.
• Silence – to let go of the addiction to noise and distraction, and to listen to God.
• Solitude – making space and time with God away from others. Calhoun describes solitude as a “‘container discipline’ for the practice of the other spiritual disciplines.”
• Worship – an act of responding to God with our whole being, delighting in God, being fully present to Him, loving and enjoying Him.

That may seem like a long list if you are unfamiliar with spiritual disciplines. There are more. Again you do not do these all at once. Choose one or two and practice them consistently. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to show you where to begin. You will be less likely to take your relationship with Jesus for granted. I am being challenged by practicing silence and the examen of myself through the lens of love, humility, purity and honesty. It has been challenging and eye opening.

The more you come to know God truly as He is through His Word and time spent in solitude with Him, the more you will love Him, and the more your thoughts will be drawn to Him. When you choose to be vulnerable with God your intimacy with Him will deepen and your trust will increase.

“And so we must apply our thinking to and with the Word of God. We must thoughtfully take that Word in, dwell upon it, ponder its meaning, explore its implications – especially as it relates to our own lives. We must seek the Lord by devoting our powers of thinking to understanding the facts and information of the gospel. This is the primary way of focusing our mind on him, setting him before us. When we do so we will be assisted by God’s grace in ways far beyond anything we can understand on our own; and the ideas and images that governed the life of Christ through his thought life will possess us” J. P. Moreland as quoted by Dallas Willard, Renovation of the Heart.

We must choose change. It doesn’t happen magically. To be changed happens when we put ourselves in a posture to allow change, to show up and to surrender to His Spirit. What’s working for you? Which of the disciplines do you practice? Is there a discipline you have never practiced that you are considering? I would love to hear about how God is working in your life to form you into the likeness of Jesus.

A Story Within A Story

Everyone has a story. Your life is the story you’ve lived. But there’s more going on in your story than you may recognize. There are three stories fighting for space in your life. You have the story you’ve lived, the story you tell yourself and the story God’s designed for you. God’s story has the story you’ve lived already factored into His story. But what about the story in your head competing for story space?

You have been affected for better or worse by the story you have lived. But the story you tell yourself affects the story you’ve lived and may be limiting how well you live the story God has written for you. I feel no need to delve into your past right now; God is the healer of our pasts. My question for you is this: what is the story you tell yourself? What do you say about you? What do you say about your life? What is it you believe about the reality of your life?

Here’s a simplistic example. For a significant period of time I was unusually tired. I repeatedly said to myself and others, “I am so tired.” One day I began to wonder what would happen if I just stopped telling myself, “I am so tired.” Would I be so tired? You guessed it. Over time I was not so tired. I was tired at times but not day in and day out. Telling myself and others over and over how tired I was made it more real and it became my story.

In our over-stimulating, social media driven world many of us are telling ourselves we don’t measure up. Measuring up involves updated decorations, a new house, a successful book, a million likes (OK that may be an exaggeration), trips around the world, or anything, big or small, that’s different (and presumably better) than the life we have right now.

The stories most of us tell ourselves are false narratives and some of us are telling ourselves detrimental stories. Do you find your false narrative in the following lies?

• I can’t celebrate Christmas without drinking. Everybody is drinking and having fun. I won’t have fun if I don’t drink.
• I am such a loser; my family has problems. All my friends on social media are so happy. They do things together all the time. I am too busy surviving work and managing home to make time for fun.
• I cannot thrive in this job. Nobody talks to me. The boss expects perfection and I will never be able to get it right.
• Life is just too much for me. I am not wired to handle raising kids, running a house, and going back to school. I just don’t have the stamina some people do.
• I don’t have any choices in my life. I always have to take care of everyone in my life and no one is every happy with me. I don’t even know who I am anymore.
• I have to be the best, nothing else will do.

Recognize yourself in any of these? When I think of these false narratives, as well as the ones I tell myself, there are a few threads (in my husband's words) of stinkin’ thinkin’ woven throughout each. These stories rattle around in our brains convincing us we are helpless and other people have it all figured out. We become victims of our thinking while we think we are victims of life.

These false narrative statements are full of never, can’t, everybody, all, nobody, I am not, I have not, I must, etc. I want to leave you with a challenge to pay attention to the stories you tell yourself. Write down what you have come to believe about yourself, God, and others as a result of what you tell yourself about you and your life. Next time we will begin challenging these types of stories with the truth – God’s story for you.

While paying more attention to your thinking, mull over these words written by Jacques Philippe in his book, Interior Freedom.

“One of the most essential conditions for God’s grace to act in our lives is saying yes to what we are and to the situations in which we find ourselves. That is because God is ‘realistic.’ His grace does not operate on our imaginings, ideals, or dreams. It works on reality, the specific, concrete elements of our lives.”

A Gentle Beginning

Deadlines complete. Christmas boxed and stored. Easing into a new decade. It was my desire in 2019 to be more intentional. Was I? Yes and no. I intended to write and post this blog at least 2 times during the month of December but I have intentionally let myself off the hook. It was a big year for us. There were big celebrations and we were in crisis. And yet we were carried and changed.

While there may be more in review on the past decade for now I would like to share some of my favorite podcasts, books, etc from 2019.

https://emilypfreeman.com/podcast/the-next-right-thing/blessing-new-year/

https://sallyclarkson.com/podcast/2018/12/2/episode-221-keeping-advent-hope-for-a-dark-world-with-malcolm-guite

https://rabbitroom.com/2019/11/the-habit-podcast-episode-27-christie-purifoy/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-secret-to-expansion/id1475369559?i=1000457265465

https://rhythms-for-life.simplecast.com/episodes/curt-thompson

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/04-how-shame-affects-all-of-us-with-dr-curt-thompson/id1466667116?i=1000443777198

The books that spoke to my heart in 2019:

Finding Holy in the Suburbs: Living Faithfully in the Land of Too Much, Ashley Hales

Back Roads to Belonging, Kristen Strong

Run With the Horses, Eugene H. Peterson

Interior Freedom, Jacques Philippe

Liturgy of the Ordinary, Tish Harrison Warren

I also enjoyed reading Gennine D. Zlatkis’, Birds in Watercolor, Collage, and Ink. It was delightful and her colorful art is inspiring.

I read mysteries for fun and Charles Finch mysteries were some of my favorites in 2019.

The highlights this year:

• Spending time with my family celebrating my 60^th birthday in a variety of ways. It was precious.
• Growing together in hardship. Some may think that strange but it is no small thing when two people face crisis and grow together. It is a gift.
• Discovering a deeper satisfaction with the life I have been given.
• Emile and Isaac’s wedding and all the wonderful family time included in that event.
• Seeing the Grand Canyon for the first time in years. It was marvelous. Can’t wait to go again.
• Collaborating with Pastor Jeff Love and Alive Church Tucson in writing discipleship lessons for children. It was a wonderful privilege and a learning experience.
• Spiritual Formation retreats in Chicago.
• New friendships emerging out of the Spiritual Formation program.
• Writer’s Workshop with Leanna Tankersley.
• Speaking at a women’s Christmas event on the Presence of God.
• The wonderful and challenging ways God is making me new.

For those who read this blog, I am grateful for you. It is my heart’s desire to bring hope and encouragement as well as invite you to look around at the good in your own life. What is God’s invitation to you right now at the beginning of this new year and new decade? One of the things God is inviting me to do is nurture friendships and make time for play.

Consenting to My Life

 

The month of October slipped by without a word from me. And November is trying to make an escape as well. I can tell you I have truly missed meeting you here. It has been a season of:

• Weddings
• Trips with family
• Writing deadlines
• Trips to the doctor – Jim is just over half way through the 35 radiation treatments
• Celebrating a significant birthday (#60. Ouch!) I started celebrating early.
• Conflicted interactions with 4 kittens who have chosen our back yard for a part-time home and litter box
• Lunches out with Jim’s Dad and my Mom
• Reading and preparing for the next Spiritual Formation retreat
• More than the usual amount of dental work.

I have been so busy and challenged in other ways that I find myself moved to tears by moments of beauty. It is good to pause and appreciate beautiful moments, places and people. And just a few things going on in our lives. Every year I think I will slow down in October and November to enjoy the changing of the seasons, though not too noticeable around here. But nearly every year in the fall, life gives me a shove and sends me sliding downhill into Christmas. Not ready for that at all. I love the season of Thanksgiving. I prefer not to rush it. But it was October as usual for me after all, with a few extras woven throughout.

Here are some highlights of October. It was such fun dancing with my Aunt Janice at my niece’s wedding. This was the first time dancing with her since I was a kid. She taught me how to dance years ago. We still got it! Several family members got up and danced to the group dances. It was shocking when the list included the father of the bride. The day trip to see the Grand Canyon before heading back home was wonderful. The vastness and beauty of the Canyon were more than I could absorb. It was like trying to swallow a whole meal in one bite. Impossible! I had to savor what I could and accept a return visit will be necessary. My Mom came home with us after the wedding. We had fun shopping, drinking coffee and working on projects together.

 

A deadline is pulling time out from under me and I scramble to keep up. I am being challenged by His Spirit to face each day differently – from a place of acceptance and trust. When so many wonderful gatherings are crammed into little squares of time, I feel overwhelmed; I am learning to consent. What do I mean by that? I am saying “Yes” to the life I’ve been given at this moment and to trust God for grace and strength. I don’t mean I resign myself to this messy life but I consent to it. I am truly a beginner in understanding what this means, but in the words of Jacques Philippe, writer of Interior Freedom, I discovered an invitation to let go and trust in a way I had never considered before.

“The ultimate difference between resignation and consent is that with consent, even though the objective reality remains the same, the attitude of our hearts is very different. . . . That act of consent, therefore, contains faith in God, confidence toward him, and hence also love, since trusting someone is already a way of loving him. . . . First of all, the most important thing in our lives is not so much what we can do as leaving room for what God can do. The great secret of all spiritual fruitfulness and growth is learning to let God act. . . . Yet one of the most essential conditions for God’s grace to act in our lives is saying yes to what we are and to the situations in which we find ourselves. That is because God is ‘realistic’. His grace does not operate on our imaginings, ideals, or dreams. It works on reality, the specific, concrete elements of our lives.”

Still there are boundaries to be set with people. This is all part of consenting to who and what has come into my life, and then praying how I am to respond. What are my responsibilities? My little experience has given me a hint of the freedom I can have when I let go of control and take a pass on wishful thinking. Accepting and consenting to the reality of all God allows in my life requires me to trust Him more and depend on Him to guide me to make wise decisions. I consent to the things the Father allows into my life. This is a doorway to freedom and contentment. I don’t always remember this but it is my desire to by way of saying a prayer of consent each morning. This prayer includes the things I know about and the things I don’t know about. It is a prayer of consent to the person He has created me to be, as well as consent to the wonderful but painful journey of being transformed.

So what are you learning? What is currently filling the days of your life?

Joy is Found in Joining

Ideals and expectations can be killers of joy. Yet sometimes I have a hard time letting go of what seems ideal to me. There is often a guilt-laden wrestling match before I lay down the stress-filled version and take up the lighter and more joyful way. I don’t know exactly why that is – maybe some influence of days gone by or books read filling my head with perfectly carried out plans. But life happens.

We have just gone through months of stuff – the kind of stuff making it difficult for me to remember what I did last week. The months have been intensely focused but I am learning to choose the simple way and release the guilt. We recently returned from a beautiful but tiring trip only to bump into making time to celebrate my husband’s birthday. Before the trip he couldn’t decide how he wanted to celebrate and I had nothing planned. Torture; we are both planners.

So I found myself, one week out, wrestling with myself over whether or not to prepare a birthday dinner for the family or go out to eat. It seemed right and ideal to cook and have everyone over to our house where it’s quiet and we could hear one another talk. Looking ahead to the best evening for celebrating, I realized we were also attending a memorial service earlier that day. My overwhelmed self went to war with my ideal self.

Thankfully my husband decided on a restaurant – a new eating establishment experience for the family – and I made reservations. I made dessert and after dinner the family gathered in our home for coffee, dessert, gift giving and conversation. It was a lovely evening and I was able to enjoy it with minimal stress. I forget how simplifying things can result in some of the best experiences. It’s not so much what we do but the coming together that truly matters.

I need to take cues from my my daughter, Emile. The aforementioned beautiful but tiring trip had been for the express purpose of attending Emile and Isaac’s wedding in Vermont. A destination wedding can be expensive. Emile and Isaac wanted to bring their families together for a beautiful celebration without breaking the bank. The focus on relationships paid off. Staying focused on what really matters helped them simplify and cut costs – eliminating ideal for a sweet and meaningful experience.

I recall all the months spent looking at venues, photographers, florists and bakers. Thousands of decisions sifted through and let go – releasing trends and some personal ideals – for the simple beauty of relationships mixed with a little DIY. They could not have had a more endearing and beautiful wedding if they had been given the best florist and a high end wedding planner.

Floral preparations evolved into 8 buckets of fresh cut flowers and 8 women scurrying about to make bouquets on Saturday morning, the day before the wedding. It was a big, beautiful noise of creating and collaborating. Maid of honor, sister Laura, and bridesmaid Meredith put together the bride’s and bridesmaids’ bouquets. All were delicately placed in various refrigerators in the rooms of wedding guests.

Antique jars were given over to Grams, cousins Hilary and Gabby, Aunt Roni Kay, mother of the bride and friend Monique to make mixed arrangements for the reception tables. Instead of paying several hundred dollars for flowers, Emile purchased flowers from a local grower. The end result was the making of a memory: creative chaos with family and friends and amazing, lovely bouquets. And Jim came in after cleaning up all the scraps of stems and petals.

The morning of the wedding all of us, plus a few other family members and friends, met in the reception hall and decorated tables. Flowers, greenery and candles were purposefully positioned on each table. There were plenty of flowers leftover so the maid of honor and a bridesmaid created a floral wreath to hang behind the bride and groom table. The overall effect was as naturally beautiful and celebratory as a fancy English picnic. There was such freedom and fun without rigid ideals. I believe I understand Daphne du Maurier’s idea for bottling memories...

“If only there could be an invention that bottled up a memory, like scent. And it never faded, and it never got stale. And then, when one wanted it, the bottle could be uncorked, and it would be like living the moment all over again.”

Better yet, I need to have a built-in reminder to focus on what matters most – people and leaving a little room for creativity – the kind that lends itself to great enjoyment. When I consider this and all the times I have not opened my home to others because I didn’t have a plan, it’s rather disheartening. Nothing too deep here but just a reminder to me and maybe to a few of you:

• Life is short
• Relationships matter most
• Beautiful celebrations can be simple
• There is freedom when rigid ideals are left behind
• Creativity awakens in the freedom
• Memories are made – and people are drawn together when included in the process

Wishing Away This Season

One day last week, a sudden urge to give into daydreaming about Autumn came over me. I started thinking how midsummer is the time when those of us who love Autumn begin wishing away summer and longing for cool, crisp days. This is a strong urge, one I have experienced every year since I was a little girl. It hits about the time Christmas overtakes the shelves at the craft stores. Who cares about Christmas in July? I am longing for sweater weather, bonfires and golden leafed trees.

I have learned one thing through all these years of wishing away the present for what comes next; what I wish for isn’t always better than what I wished away. Actually the wished for something rarely lives up to the longing stretched–out–thin and reaching til it tips over and spills out into a future time. How many summers have I wished away only to land in a square space on the calendar claiming the Vernal Equinox has arrived, and then discovering it’s just as hot and miserable as the day before?

There are often long, hot Indian summers. And sometimes there are dry Autumns where the leaves on the trees brown the color of mud and blow away without any glorious, golden moments. There have probably been more disappointing Autumns than not. I have experienced enough glorious Autumn days though to recognize when Autumn isn’t living up to the its overblown reputation. All this to say I decided to reign in my Autumn thoughts and find something to enjoy about summer.

But what about when the things I wish away are more difficult to endure than a hot summer passing by? On the way to get frozen yogurt after my third oral surgery this year, I found myself wishing I wasn’t going through all this dental drama. Instantly I realized we are all going through something and my wishing away one challenging season could lead me into worse trouble. Not because this is how God works, but life is a revolving door of good and bad. Wishing away isn’t like mail order – we can return it for something better. My wishful thinking is a lack of acceptance that life is often hard, and there are all kinds of hard. In spite of my current challenges I have much to be thankful for today.

Some of us may be willing to admit wishing away isn’t just a seasonal activity; it has become a habit and is a result of discontentment or entitlement. I cringe, but yes I said entitlement. I recognize that when I think I should have it easier than others I am acting entitled. I keep bringing this up in my writing because it is a real struggle for me at times. And just maybe it is for you too.

Christine Valters Paintner writes, “Contentment calls for a release of our resistance to what life brings us. It can be a very subtle opening. . . . Contentment doesn’t mean we are always happy about life events or deny the reality of pain. We cultivate contentment by cultivating the inner witness who is able to respond to life from a place of calmness, peace, and tranquility. It means we honor that what is given to us in any moment is enough. . . .the call is to celebrate the sufficiency of what one already has. Contentment is closely connected to the practice of gratitude . . .”

How often have I missed the glory of God in my difficulties by attempting to tear this chapter from the story of my life? How many wonderful moments have I missed when I was poised on the edge and gazing into the future? How much of my life has been exchanged for an imagined ideal – a dream unable to hold all the expectations and hopes poured into it. POW! It bursts like a water balloon.

I have been through greater difficulties than oral surgery, and I have experienced God’s goodness when I was willing to turn toward Him in the midst of hardship. He has gifts for me each day when I pay attention. He longs to hold me and soothe me when I am hurting. I cling to the truth of Zephaniah 3:17.

“The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you,

He will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

I believe Him when he says He will never leave me or forsake me, but my wishing even one day of my story away exposes the doubts. I want my belief in Him to stand up strong in the midst of my struggle, instead of wavering in faith through wishful thinking. I am not judging your wishful thinking moments. We are human, we have weak moments, and we forget we don’t have to do this in our power. I am convicted by those who live through great hardship with exceptional faith.

My friend went on a mission trip to Jamaica. There she met a woman in extraordinary poverty. This woman had several children and was raising them alone. This Mother told my friend about a time when God provided food for her starving children. She had taken a pot of water, a limited and valued resource, and put it on the stove to boil. She prayed in faith that God would bring her food to put in the pot to feed her children. The water evaporated as she prayed, but her faith did not vaporize. She filled the pot again with the last of the water and prayed believing God would fill the pot with food to feed her children. While the water evaporated a group of people made their way to her door bringing food. I was moved by her faith in the midst of dire need. And here I am just wishing away Autumn and challenging dental drama.

How can I take the energy I use for wishing my days away and pour it into a fervent prayer of faith? Romans 5:2-5 in The Message comes to mind when I think of holding my difficulty or disappointment before God and living expectant of His care right here, right now.

Romans 5:2-5 (The Message)

We throw open our doors to God and discover at the same moment that he has already thrown open his door to us. We find ourselves standing where we always hoped we might stand—out in the wide open spaces of God’s grace and glory, standing tall and shouting our praise.

There’s more to come: We continue to shout our praise even when we’re hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we’re never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary—we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit!

In the uncomfortable places of life I must turn to God! And in everyday gives thanks; He is more than enough. How is God making himself known to you in a place or experience you had been wishing away?

Our Home: A Roost

Last month our long time friends Bob and Sondra stayed in our home for a night. When asked if they slept well, both said it was the best sleep they’d had their whole vacation. I was pleased. Roost comes to mind. I know a roost is a supportive place where a bird can rest. Sometimes I can be stingy about sharing our home but I desire for people who come into it to find a place to let down, just be and rest. After they left I thought about the things people can count on when they come to our house. A little ditty popped into my head and I wrote it down in my journal.

At our house there will always be coffee.

At our house there will always be creamer.

At our house there will always be chocolate chips.

At our house there will always be hugs.

At our house there will always be toilet paper.

At our house there will always be conversation.

At our house there will always be books, clean towels, fans, extra toothpaste and toothbrushes, prayer before meals, plants, something blooming, peanut butter and oatmeal.

I could go on. Some things not listed that I truly want people to always find at our house: the love of Jesus, comfort, encouragement, prayer support and laughter. I have no need to be considered a great hostess. I am rarely comfortable hostessing but care about what people experience and what they go away with when they are in our home. It is important to me they are ministered to whether it be with prayer or clean towels.

I want people to know they are seen and heard in our home. And Father, forgive me when I am wrapped up in my own junk and don’t see or hear the person sent through the front door of this place you have given us to call home. But aren’t these qualities of home something we carry about with us like a hermit crab’s shell – a walking home? Edith Schaeffer wrote in her book, The Hidden Art of Homemaking, “...whether we choose to be an environment or not, we are. We produce an environment other people have to live in. We should be conscious of the fact that this environment which we produce by our very ‘being’ can affect the people who live with us or work with us. The effect on them is something they cannot avoid. We should have thoughtfulness concerning our responsibility in this area.”

This is not only about the place I call home. I am not just speaking here about an invite to an event. This is an invitation to a Presence, His Presence. These are the things people need to be able to count on whenever I am present. Not because of me but Jesus in me. As I move about my day and interact with people here and there, the environment of me has an impact on the environment of whoever crosses my path. The things I want people to experience in my home should also be experienced in my presence wherever I am: the love of Jesus, comfort, encouragement, prayer support and laughter.

Can our home be a roost? Can we offer a place for others to find support and solace? What does that look like? Could it be we first offer it to one another in our families? A created support of rest for our own people can release a warm fragrant invitation – here is a place to be heard, to be seen, to find support and peace, to be loved. People are drawn to restful environments – to places where they are embraced and loved. How can you and I become a roost for others?